A Wandering Heart and a Desire for Fresh Wine

I blogged at Moop and Saba for nine whole years.  It was a place where I captured funny things my growing boys said, started my photography journey, and grieved the loss of my sister, baby, and father in law.  Then, all the sudden, it felt complete.  A work finished.  And yet, I still wanted a place to write, so I mustered all my non-techie skills and created this very simple place where words can flow. I’m hoping this will be a place of worship through the written word.

At the beginning of 2017, I was angry with God.  I had begged for deeper intimacy with Him, but felt like I was stuck.  I had questioned why others say God “speaks to them,” (audibly, it seems,) and wondered why I couldn’t hear His audible voice, as well.  God hasn’t spoken out loud to me…perhaps never will…and I had to wrestle a few months with that.  It seems I love Him more than any other person or thing and to hear His voice would have been the sweetest thing ever.  So, I will continue to wait…because one day, my faith will be realized…even if it isn’t here on earth.

During this time of wrestling and frustration, I read the Word less.  It was almost as if I was acting like a seven year old girl, giving her friend the silent treatment on the playground.  “You won’t do what I want??  Fine!  I’ll stop playing with you!”  Wandering set in, and it wasn’t that I became stuck in the muck of sin, but I was farther from the Father’s heart, which is the result of sin, is it not?  Perhaps the wandering itself is the start of all sins.

In this short wilderness experience, I lost my physical eyesight.  When I repented of my childish ways and asked for Him to speak to me however He wants, my eyes started to fail me as I read the small print of my Bible. I strained, and could only read for a short amount of time each day.  My hunger for His Words returned, but I was unable to receive.  God gently removed the one way He primarily speaks to me (through the study of His Word) in order to show me just how thankful I should be that He speaks at all.  He is a Good Father and knows how to make us a grateful people.

Through the process of trying to get used to bifocals and then ordering a pair of single lens glasses, I think I am finally on the road to seeing again.  I know the process has been as much spiritual as it has physical.  After the hard storm of repentance always come the clean and sweet air of restoration.

While praying for something fresh from the Lord, I felt a peace to shut down my old blog and start something new.  The verse that confirmed that for me talks about how new wine needs to go into new wineskins.  I’m ready for fresh wine.  In the Bible, wine can symbolize God’s covenant blessing, joy, celebration, blessing, and on and on.  Jesus tells us to partake of bread and wine so that our wandering hearts find the road back home as they remember the greatest sacrifice of all ages.

I think of how Jesus is the True Vine and how it is Him alone that allows us to produce fruit.  This isn’t always an easy process; it’s messy and hard.  To make wine, grapes must be trampled and squeezed.  Sometimes before we get a good taste of His Word, we have to put in the hard work, trampling out passages and squeezing out the original words. The wine is sweet, though. The Words are as old as El Olam, the everlasting one, but fresh on our tongues, nonetheless.

I’ll drink to that.

I write here at Fresh Wine, not for a following, nor for hopes of being published one day.  I write to force myself to do the hard work of trampling and squeezing and remembering.  I hope to share a sip of the good stuff along the way.

It’s only the Good Father, Incarnate Son and Holiest of Holy Spirits that satisfies. Yes?

“Awake, O Sleeper, and arise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you.” Galatians 5:14

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s